Modern dating

If you’re a man who’s tried (or considered trying) online dating, chances are you’ve worried you might meet a woman looking to use you for a free expensive dinner. It seems trivial in comparison to what women have to worry about when they filter through men on dating sites, but it’s still a concern, and it still happens to the best of us.

I’m a high school teacher and a freelance writer, but I’m also the son of a Michelin-awarded restaurateur. My online dating profile doesn’t mention my dad’s accomplishments, but in moments of insecurity, I’ve been known to name-drop in order to keep the woman interested. It’s never gone well, and it’s never attracted the right women. The women who see me as “Giorgio the teacher” or “Giorgio the writer” have never tried to use me for a free dinner. In fact, many of them seemed to feel guilty when I took them to expensive restaurants too early in the dating process. But the women who saw me as “Giorgio the restaurateur’s son” had no such reservations, and even that was fine, as long as we were having fun.

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Last December, I met someone who finally crossed the boundaries. She made the initial move by “liking” my profile, so I “liked” her back. Her profile was laced with the razor-sharp wit that I look for in a romantic partner, and one of her stated life goals was to try all 101 of Jonathan Gold’s top restaurant picks. Without promising anything, I noted that I too was a fan of Mr. Gold and was also hoping to one day frequent all 101 of his restaurant choices. We had the same dry humor and were equally excited about the then-new Star Wars movie, so I thought those would be our primary points of connection. It wasn’t until I asked her out for a drink that I suspected something was off.

“I’m not huge into drinking but maybe we can grab dinner sometime,” she replied, followed by a smiley face emoticon.

Nobody has to be “huge into drinking” to join you for a cocktail on a first date; this was a push that men who’ve dated in Los Angeles know all too well. The woman was setting the expectations high from the beginning, letting me know that her evenings were in high demand and that if I wanted one I was going to have to cough up more than $15 for a cocktail.

I told her my Tuesday night was open, and she wrote back, “I’m booked for Tuesday. Let’s do Saturday instead.” I was starting to find her pushy, but I thought maybe it was just in my head. I was lucky this girl wanted to offer her Saturday night to me, wasn’t I?

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I suggested we try a new Italian restaurant in Silver Lake where an old friend of mine works. I wasn’t looking for a free dinner, but I was hoping to surprise him, and I was hoping that once this girl saw my restaurant connections, she’d be impressed enough to take me seriously as a romantic partner. The stakes were high for a first date. I felt like I was being pressured to overplay my hand, but I wanted to try this restaurant anyway, and going there with a pretty girl felt better than going there alone.

When we sat down for dinner, she suggested we order a bottle of wine. So much for “not huge into drinking.” Then she started suggesting items to share, which slowly crept into the $80 range. I declined on the bottle of wine but was too tempted by the various entrees to let her starve. We ordered four dishes to share, and I didn’t have to fight her for the privilege of paying the whole $130 check myself.

Our conversation was mostly superficial. I found myself retelling her key information that I’d mentioned in my profile, as though she’d never read it; she kept talking up her past accomplishments and future ambitions, even though for the time being she was living with her parents.

She kept mentioning that she had a high standard when it came to Italian restaurants, and eventually I reached a point where it seemed appropriate to name-drop my father. She had never heard of him, nor had she heard of his restaurant.

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When the waiter brought us our check, he gave us a spiel about how their establishment is unique because customers have the “privilege” of being “allowed” to tip the kitchen as well as the servers. I asked my date how much I should tip. That’s always a bad sign: when you’re so desperate to impress your date that you have to ask her how much to tip, even though she has no intention of even attempting to pay.

She told me to tip 20%, so I did.

As we left, she told me without hesitation that she would love to see me again. I loved the reassurance. I hate spending the next few days after a date staring at my phone, waiting for a follow-up text message that never comes. I hugged her goodbye and watched her step into an Uber, hoping it would all lead to something as we got to know each other better.

Two days later, I received a text from her, excitedly informing me that she had made a reservation at my dad’s restaurant. She was going there on a Saturday night, company unspecified. Could it be that another poor sucker had been roped into sating this girl’s fine-dining craze? No, why would she text me to tell me about it? That would be shameless.

Even so, it made me uncomfortable. This girl hardly knew me. We had been out one time, and we hadn’t even kissed yet. Imagine if a man had gone to a woman’s father’s workplace after a first date. That would be creepy, right? What was the difference? Was she testing me to see how I’d react?

I told her, “Wow, you’re going to meet my dad. Weird…”

“Oh, yeah, I guess I am. Well, I’ll put in a good word for you!”

Her creepiness had officially killed any charm she’d once had on me.

I didn’t pursue her after that, but about a week later she contacted me again. She told me the person who was taking her to my dad’s restaurant had flaked on her and suggested, as though it was no big deal, that we go there together instead. This was too weird for me. I took a screenshot of the text, sent it to my best friend and asked what I should do.

“I say bail,” he advised.

I composed our parting text: “I’m going to have to say no. To be honest, it makes me really uncomfortable that you would make a reservation at my dad’s restaurant when we’ve only been out one time. I think you’re a great girl, though, and I wish you the best.”

She promptly came back at me with three consecutive texts:

“I’m sorry. I didn’t mean to make you uncomfortable.”

“I really don’t take this stuff too seriously.”

“Good luck to you.”

I had so many questions for her, like why she expected expensive dinners and bottles of wine if she “didn’t take it seriously,” but I thought asking would be in poor taste. So instead I just wished her good luck too, and in the end I didn’t even get to do that because my number had already been blocked.

Some men, frustrated after not getting a second date or not getting any action on the first, will wrongly accuse women of “just dating for the free meals.” I’m not that man. If a woman doesn’t want a second date, it’s not my business why, and I don’t know her well enough to hurl those kinds of accusations. I also don’t really mind if women are out there using men for free meals, because there are plenty of men out there using women for other things, and in the end our job is to learn from our experiences and spot the red flags so we aren’t the one getting used.

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This is a follow up to the previous story.

Men are catching on,insist on Dutch treat

So much for chivalry.

Venmo, a peer-to-peer payment app owned by PayPal and popular with millennials, isn’t just letting 20-somethings split cab fares and utility bills — it’s turning guys into really stingy dates.

Shaquan Bailey, a 22-year-old caretaker, was thrilled when a guy she met online invited her out for their third date at a restaurant near her Bed-Stuy apartment.

She found the man charming over pizza and wine and, like a gentleman, he picked up the check and then walked Bailey back to her apartment.

She thought the date had gone well — until the guy sent her a $30 payment request on Venmo to cover half the dinner bill, which she grudgingly paid.

I was LMAO after reading that. Way to go,bro. If you're reading this cyber high 5.

“I cut him off so quickly and stopped texting him back,” Bailey told The Post. “I do not have time for scrubs.”

We don't have time for attention whore cock teasers either who commit date fraud by giving the promise of sex then retracting that at the last minute. Don't like bullshit don't hit us with bullshit. It's that fucking simple.

The app, launched in 2012, lets users link debit and credit cards online to send and request money.

In January, users digitally transferred more than $1 billion on the app.

“I had a guy who asked me to Venmo him to pay for a $3 well drink,” fumed Tammy, a 21-year-old beauty blogger who asked that her last name be withheld for professional reasons.

The last time I checked alcoholic beverages are not free so they have to charge you something. Three dollars sounds about right for an alcoholic beverage in a bar. It depends on where you go and how much they charge.

“And I was like, ‘Bye.’ Where are all the real men?”

We're on to bitches like you. You want equality in the boardroom and special treatment on a date. You want old fashion behavior from a man like picking up the tab but you think about providing sex. With me it's like if I spend money on you I want sex. That is the bottom line. On equality: it's all the way or not at all. Enough of this cherry picking bullshit.

She refused to cough up the dough.

Although what these guys did was in poor taste, financial expert and author Lynnette Khalfani-Cox defends them, noting that going Dutch is a sensitive topic.

“Communication about money matters is always fraught with misunderstanding, and Venmo is kind of a technological twist to these age-old issues about money and dating,” Khalfani-Cox told The Post. “Maybe these guys thought they were being modern by splitting the bill and acknowledging that women can pay for their fair share?”

These are guys the who are tired of the bullshit double standards. These are the guys who are tired of super empowered feminists one minute scared little waif the next. These are the guys that read my blog.

But to women like Kisha Pace, 31, of The Bronx, who was Venmo-requested by a former fling for a $50 meal, men should always pay for the first few dates.

Why? Because you're entitled to free entertainment? I don't know who told you that you are but the gravy train is derailing. You've pushed us too far and as men we will push back. Count on it.

“I can pay for my own bills, but I don’t think we should be splitting the bill until we’re seriously dating,” Pace, who did pay up, told The Post.

Then you can pay for your own meal and drinks. Why should it be on him? Seriously dating? Sounds like procrastination to me. Which means you expect it to be always on him.

The solution to the dilemma is simple, if a bit awkward.

“Both parties should agree on who’s paying for what before going on a date,” Khalfani-Cox said.

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